To Treat or Not To Treat

"The treating game is always complicated", I once told a friend who had just made that mighty shift from a student to a working professional. She complained (maybe secretly bragged) about how she felt a bit guilty and how it hurt her big ego, when her working friends were always openly willing to treat her. And now that she had started earning she was ever ready to treat friends. I added, "About treats, I have this thing with some friends wherein if I visit their city then its their treat and vice versa. With others its a whole new set of unstated stuff. But the basic rule to follow is, to 'treat' ppl well. And you can 'treat' ppl well irrespective of whether you are working or not. And maybe in a way ppl were 'treating' you back too."

But then again the treating game is always complicated when it comes to 'treating' people well. Some do it cause they are happy and just want to share the joy. But then there are those who do it to be a part of society, some who do it as an obligation just because it is 'their turn', still others who do it cause they want something in return, some who do it cause they are trying to 'woo' you, others who are forced to do it cause they are related to you, and some who do it cause they have to live their lives with you.

The treating game is indeed always complicated when there are those who decide to treat others based on how that person would treat some unknown person; irrespective of who that unknown person may seem to be. Would I treat you based on such observations ? Would I ? Would you ?

To keep things simple, the basic rule to follow is to 'treat' people well.

The Price of Art

"Do you have any music I can buy ?", I asked. "Ah. Yes. I have some. Come.", he gestured, trying to communicate in the language I chose as a medium, and I followed. "How much is it", I queried. "Err... I don't know. Err... the price is... well the CD costs about 10-15 pounds... so its about 1000 Rs... err or 800 Rs is ok..". I have never bought music for that much but I looked at how much I had and decided to pick up the CD.

I had gone for this free concert of Regis Gizavo. He is a musician from Madagascar who plays the accordion and sings some amazingly soulful music. He couldn't talk in English too well so he spoke in French about each song before he began and someone translated what he wanted to convey. The concert turned out to be pretty amazing and so I decided to buy his CD.

My friend heard the music at home and loved what he heard. So when I told this friend that I had paid 800 bucks for 11 songs he looked at me and said, "I never pay for songs. I get all my music from the net. I like listening to music but I have never paid for music in my life". I looked at him as he continued," You know I can get his songs from the net for free. There are so many places I can download it". And he smiled, feeling proud of the fact that he doesn't pay anything for music. Music that he agreed, calms his nerves and clears his mind when he has the need for it. So I reminded him that this was their only source of livelihood. And to choose music as a profession takes a lots of guts, where you are not sure if you will be able to sustain yourself with the amount that you make. A cousin, Adrian D'souza, decided music was his profession at a very young age. He is doing pretty well but I have always wondered about the thoughts that went through his head before he decided that music was it. You can hear some of his music out here. He used to be compared with Sivamani before he decided that he wanted to explore Jazz and went in that direction.

Well I have downloaded, shared mp3 with friends but when I hear musicians playing live and I enjoy their music, I usually end up buying their CDs. Maybe its just a way of making sure that I hear them again cause they too need to survive. Art needs to be given support from society otherwise young people will not even think of exploring those avenues, even if they have the talent.

Regis Gizavo's albums.
Listen To Samy Olombelo
Listen To Stories
Listen To Mikea

Bottled Water

The ambience was splintered with withering cigratte butts, cajoling menus, and warm sunshine; as dusk lingered in our subconscious. And to touch the glimpse of that new dawn all we had to do was pass through the night and dream a little, maybe also just live and let live a little.

"Dream a little dream with me", said one, as another took out a pen and connected with the scrap of paper as she added form and color and diction to an abstraction; a story that wanted to be told in 35mm. He had been learning the tricks of the trade; the flow, the angles, the lighting, the graphics that speak a thousand words and the words that speak a thousand pictures. He apprised us with the thoughts that had emanated from his mind and how he was trying to figure out about adding structure to it. 'Thoughts', an intermingled quagmire that had a silver lining and all we had to do was place our finger on it.

But instead of placing my finger on it, I was playing the silent listener that I am so adept at. And in the moment I decided to create a common portfolio for each one of us sitting at that round table. And as an after-thought I captured a picture of 'Bottled Water'. The water level was not high; infact it was almost empty, filled to the brink with air. But there was some water, as little as it was. We had to uncap the bottle and if we used it properly maybe one day we could spring up new life with it.

As Natalie Goldberg says, "Form alone will not create art. Form is important, we should learn form, but we should also remember to fill form with life. This takes practice."

Howto curb the Middle Finger version 2 dot Oh my gawd

Slang has it that the middle finger is shown to people to express contempt for by or as by the obscene gesture of pointing the middle finger upward while folding the other fingers against the palm.

Ever thought of ways to restrain people from flashing their middle finger.

Version 1 dot Oh no it won't work.
------------------------------------------------
Wish that they were born with six fingers instead of five and then they wouldn't have a middle finger. Naah that won't work in most cases.

Version 2 dot Oh my gawd (will work on men only)
----------------------------------------------------------------
1) Catch unsuspecting man in the mall. He may be moving around with some other girls who are
busy shopping cause a sale is on.

2) Ask him, "Could I show you something". To which he would reply out of courtesy, "Err ok", Courtesy and just to kill time.

3) Take his hand and ask him his name and then tell him, "Can I call you Alice". To which he starts to try and calculate the probability of that happening. He is pretty much amused and says, "Sure".

4) Say, "So Alice have you noticed how rough the top of the finger tips are. I can make it smooth". He is still trying to calculate the probability of some unknown person calling him Alice and doesn't know what he says yes to.

5) Remove some tools and brush his middle finger and then put some liquid on it and then wipe it. All the while keep him distracted with questions about how many sisters he has and if he has a girlfriend to which he tries to give a diplomatic worldly accepted answer, "Errrrrrr hmmmm".

6) Finally ask him how it looks to which he replies, "Its shining. Could you take off the liquid and get it back to its original look. I can actually see my reflection in it".

7) To which you reply, "Err well it will be smooth and shiny for a couple of days". To which he replies in horror, "Oh my gawd".

8) He is too ashamed to show anyone his middle finger.

9) Somehow the girls who he was with see it and go 'Oh my Gawd" and laugh and wonder what he did. Which makes him keep the middle finger under wraps and not flash it to anyone.

Crocodile Dundee

And on the 18th day of the fifth month, when the sun was at its highest point in the sky, the creature reappeared. Previous sightings were reported but the People refused to believe. "Nay", they said, and the People rejoiced. But on the tenth second, of the eleventh minute, of the twelth hour of that faithful day a voice was heard, "Oh soooo sweet", and the silence was broken. The door was swung open, 'swoosh', and through it emerged two ladies as they thought to themsleves, 'Blessed arth those who saweth and still didn't believeth cause otherwise they might have skwished it'. And the People rejoiced.

Then a 'fat boy slim' who had just travelled 'far far away' to an unknown land crossed their path. He sensed that something was not right (studies have shown that hindsight is more accurate). He had just attended nature's call when he heard another call, "Are you afraid of lizards ?". The reverberations of that question spread far and wide and touched the very bearings of his soul. Should he say YES or should he tell them the truth; but the truth was something which he had not thought of till this moment. And so he giveth himself the benefit of the doubth and exerted no resistance as the words were formed from carefully uttered syllables. "Nope", he speaketh as he wondered, 'Which God fearing man would tell a girl that he is afraid of reptiles". And the People rejoiced.

"Cometh with us then oh fearless one. You have to catcheth a lizard". Oops! For that one second time stoppeth as he sensed that something was wrong (studies have shown that foresight is more valuable). To prepare himself for the task at hand he thought of previous encounters. Like when he brought down a bat with a badminton racket and a fast moving ceiling fan to confuse its radar. And the time earlier in the day when he shot (with a camera) a snake in the desert. And then there was also the time he stood faceth to faceth with a lion; but that was in a zoo and so he shrugged off that thought. And the People rejoiced.

"Oh its a baby", and he was handed a piece of folded paper. 'Thats a baby', he wondered as he wondered even more, 'Holy cow. How big does it grow'. But then he realised where he was; in a ladies toilet! He had seeneth a movie in which a lizard was flushed down the bottomless pit and it became a big crocodile cause of toxic waste. He flushed down that thought as the big little one wriggled from one spot to the next, inches away from his hand. He had also always wondered if a ladies toilet was kept cleaner but he shrugged off that thought as he began to admire the beauty of nature. This lizard was nice and colorful, not like the grey dull ones back home, though it was similar in size. They stood there mesmerised as the azure stars floated across the yellowish sunlite raindrops that cavorted their way to the moist earth that sprung up green flaura. And the People rejoiced.

He realised that the tool to transport the big little one was inappropriate as it was unwilling to accept a free ride from strangers. 'Its mama thought it well. This won't worketh', he thought, as he summoned his senses to come upeth with a planeth. By Jupiter! plan plan not planeth, it started to get confusing!!!! The result of which was a container to cover the reptile and the unfolded paper to slide under it and cover the opening. He was commended for his quick analytical skills as he carried that entity to the outside world to fit it back into the huge jigsaw puzzle; stars to stars, raindrops to raindrops, sunshine to sunshine, earth to earth, flaura to flaura. And the People rejoiced.

And the news spread far and wide and people began to appear from the East and from the West and from the Land of plenty (the cafeteria). His praises were sung which made this 'fat boy slim' cool for an ephemeral second; inspite of his tight pants and his geeky haircut. Which was indeed a miracle. And the People rejoiced.

Videos of the 2004:Har Ki Dun trek

I found some amateur video clips from way back in 2004, when we had gone trekkig to Har Ki Dun. A writeup of the trek can be found out here. Listen to the audio too.

Children of Osla
-----------------
The village 'Osla' is situated on the way to Har Ki Dun. I took out some clips of the children out there. Its a nice cosy little village neatly tucked into the mountain sides. I decided to capture all those little kids; the 'Children of Osla'. Majid Majidi style ? Not even close :-)




Cradled Amongst Mountain Peaks
-----------------------------------
Har Ki Dun is situated at a height of about 11200 feet, picturesquely cradled amongst mountain peaks. We trekked thru rain and snow and sun soaked skies for around 7 days. Trekking in snow is both tiresome and exhilirating. Loved the trek.




Folk Songs from the mountains
---------------------------------
Nehra who was a local sang us some folk songs on our trek to Har Ki Dun. One of the songs was about this guy who was in love with this girl from his village and how he broke the news to her...




The Loooooooong Walk
---------------------------
I've patched together clips of us joyfully frolicking along the path to Har Ki Dun.




The Killer Tadpoles at Mystic River
---------------------------------------
We took a days rest at Camp Mystic River wher we bathed after around 5-6 days. The next morning we went to some natural pools tucke in the mountains.




Blair which project ?
--------------------
We camped in tents on the way back from Har Ki Dun. This video is taken at night, inside one of the tents.

I always wanted to quit on a monday morning

Its a Monday morning. The Director of Engineering comes up to me. We go back a long way. We've built some pretty good bluetooth consumer products as a team. He is known for his pragmatism and is one of the people who I expect to be brutally honest with me. Glances are exchanged and I see a white envelope in his hand, his fingers follow a rythmic motion as they point to the issue at hand. The expression on his face is hard to decipher, and so is mine. We decide to go to a quiter place to talk. He hands me the envelope and tells me to read the contents before I sign them. I remove the paper from within. "Thats the resignation letter. All you have to do is sign. Take your time." The expression on my face is still hard to decipher and so is his. We talk about life and the livin of it in general. About the options we have and the choices we make. Expressions are decipherable, we smile. I dump the envelope in my bag.

I'm alone. The envelope commands an audience. I remove it from its covering. It lies there naked, open to the elements as the words communicate their intentions. The pen feels heavy as I gulp down nostalgia. Its done.

Ok time to sign the other document. The offer letter from the parent company. Just some paperwork and legal stuff :-) I was wondering if I should sign the resignation letter first or the offer letter. Or sign the resignation letter then relax and be jobless for sometime and then sign the offer letter :-)

How Alice Got laid, Got sleepy and Got a haircut.

This article is an attempt towards understanding precipitants of anxiety experienced by a child when he gets a haircut. The danger posed by this experience is compared to a surgical procedure and seen as unique because unlike surgery, a haircut is not actually painful. Nonetheless, haircuts can precipitate great anxiety in children. Some sources of the anxiety caused by haircuts across libidinal lines of development are considered, and examples are presented. Ways to help ease the anxiety of this experience are discussed.

ok ok.... the above paragraph was picked verbatim from the third dimension. Public apology and all that :-) The content from here on is mine. First 'The Haircut'. [click on the picture to see the enlarged version]

A brief history of time and my conversations with barbers.

Age 7: The discovery of Hair
Barber: "Kaise ?"
Allaboy: "chota!!! mujhe kangi pasand nahi hai.... bahoot chota.... baal bahoot jaldi bade ho jate hai yaar!!! ek mahine tak cutting nahi karni hai... utna chota karna...", and then I would leave it to him, closing my eyes, relaxing in the chair.

Age 10: The discovery of The Mirror
Barber: "usual? short?"
Allaboy: "Errrr... hmmm."

Age 14: The discovery of Girls
Barber : "usual? short?"
Ali: "Naaaaa.... short from the sides. This much length out here.... like this out here.... blah blah blah blah".

Age 17 : The discovery of Women
Barber: "Aaj kaisa ?"
Alice: "Voh jo movie hai na..... blah blah blah.... parting left side pe hai... "

Age 21: The discovery of Ladies
Barber: "Sirji aap pe ye style accha lagega".
Alice: "Aajkal style kya chal raha hai.... blah blah blah... parting right side pe hai...".

Age 24: The discovery of the receding hairline.
Barber: "Usual ?"
Alice: "Haaji.... yahan se chota... aur uppar se lamba rakhna.... especially ye side walla part.... idar se baal aise aana chahiye.... ye part lamba hi rakhna haan... setting theek se karna... blah blah blah.... middle parting hai ..... "

Current Age: The discovery of global warming and the new effects of gravity.
The barber asked me, "Short?". I groggily mumbled, "Err, hmmmm.... hmmm...", almost ready for a siesta. And well, yeah.... thats about it. He cut my hair. So here are some of the reactions from friends:

The feminine gender
1) AAAgggghhhhhh !!!!!! what happened !!!!!
2) What did you do.... Sheeeeeeeee!!!!!
3) You look like Caesar... hehehehehehehe
4) oh my Gawd !!!!!
5) you look like those little naughty boys.... hehehehehe
5) [Silence. Just stare]
6) [Talking to me with rapid eye movement, checking out the sudden change in geography]

The masculine gender
1) hmmmm so as I was saying blah blah....
2) summer crop. nice....
3) just like your school days. You look the same.
4) you look like Sid in 'Dil Chahta Hai'

My reason: well wanted to see how I looked in a very short crop. Losing weight from the top anyway :-)

Glossary:
Got laid: rested behind on the chair in the saloon
Got sleepy: felt sleepy
Got a haircut: Got a haircut

Who is Priya Sharma !!!!!!!

This incident took place sometime back. I have been itching to blog about it but then again was wondering how to break the story. Anyways here goes.

I was at a friend's place the night before, where we played cards till 5 in the morning. We did take a break inbetween at around 2am and had coffee on the terrace, watching planes land and take off. The next morning I went to church where I prayed for clarity, something which is often elusive, denying me its company. I battled with rational from the heart and the mind and decided that today was indeed the day to make declarations. And so I called up my mother aka Mamamia aka Mumzee.

"Hello baba... how are you ?", her voice taking on an overtone of delight. "I'm ok", I replied in an undertone. "The little fellow is making so much of masti. He is soooo cute.", and then she told me about all the things at her end. "hmmmm", I replied every now and then, as if trying to punctuate the dialogue with subtleties of another one that lay in the darkness, begging to break free. "What happened?", my actions directed her question in the right direction. "Nothing", I replied. "What... your just saying hmmm, hmmmm. What happened?". It was a tone I recognised. The stage was set, her complete attention was captured; heart, mind and soul.

"Errr..... I wanted to tell you something", I paused as I let thoughts metamorphise and anxiety and curiousity tap emotions. Silence tiptoed, only to be broken by, "What happened?". The rhetoric of tones strengthened my choice of words, "Err.... here... just talk to her", words that transferred the burden of dialogue to the girl standing next to me. "Hello Aunty. This is Priya Sharma, I'm Alistair's friend. How are you?". I stood there as I imagined my mother's response. "How is Sydney and how is the little fellow. Alistair told me all about him. He also got me this Easter egg today. Easter is next sunday na." A smile brimmed my lips finding its way from deep within. "I'm working in Bangalore. I met Alistair a year back". The conversation between the two carried on for 10 minutes and then I took the phone back.

"So", the voice from the other end had reached even higher overtones. "So", I replied in rhetoric. And then I spoke about work and things I've been upto and went on for sometime. "So baba", the voice from the other end beamed. "Errrrr...", I interrupted, "Talk to her brother". And so that conversation went on for a couple of minutes and the phone found its way back into my hands.

"So", the syllable repeated itself. "Err... so what else is going on out there". My mom then talked about the Mr Bean movie that had just been released and tried to talk about things, all the time being preoccupied with the question that finally beamed forth, "So, do you want to tell me something?". And then I decided to let her in on what she wanted to hear all along, "April Fool!!".

Addie, Richa, Shyam and I then went through our phone contact list to find new bakras. We used the name 'Priya Sharma' each time. First we called Pallavi, Ayush's wife. Ayush is an ex -flatmate and a colleague from work. Some background first. Another ex-flatmate had morphed this picture of Ayush and this girl during his jobless days. It was a pretty good piece of morphing I must add. Pallavi hasn't seen the picture yet. A very decent picture with Ayush smiling to glory. His moustache giggling with joy :-)

So Richa told Pallavi that she was a friend of Ayush and that there was this photograph that someone had morphed with the two of them together. Richa then went on to mention that she was getting engaged soon and that the photograph somehow had found its way to her to-be inlaws. The picture seems to be causing some tension and it would be nice if Pallavi could talk to her in-laws. Pallavi then told her that she would call her back. She then called me up and tried to see if I knew anything about it, which of course I didn't. But I did ask her to ask Ayush about Priya Sharma. And then I could only imagine the scene as Ayush replied, "Err.... But her name was not Priya Sharma".

The next on the list was Himanshu. He had asked me to touch up an article that he wrote, which finally manifested itself in its final form out here. Read his article and you will understand which avatar Priya Sharma was transformed into this time. He knew we were fooling and played along. It turned out to be a fun day for him and his friends as it was for us.

We then called up a couple of other friends and Priya Sharma or her father or brother spoke to them :-)

Finally we decided to end the day with our meeting with Himanshu at Cafe Coffee Day in Forum :-)

On the way I felt a bit guilty of playing with emotions a bit too much. Apologise for any harm done and hope that everyone took it in the spirit of April 1st.... till the next April 1st.

Reflections: The road ahead

Reflections: The Road Ahead
-----------------------------------
Speed. Heat. Beauty. Light.
Ephemeral windows.
Burning bright.

Shrieking silence. Shifting load.
Wandering minstrels.
Banking road.

Earth. Water. Wind. Fire.
Past continuous.
Renewing pyre.

Multiple refractions. Certainty bled.
Full circle.
The Road Ahead.

----- Alistair D'souza (24th April 2007)

Went biking to tamilnadu sometime back and got radiantly burnt. We zoomed past the banking on the road, the expansion of the elements and the refraction at various levels; which laid out before us those ephemeral reflections on the road surface.

The road is nice throughout, 2 lanes on either side. Kinda like a bloggers day out... Reema, Maddy, Goli and moi. The place is called Yelegiri. We did a total of about 350+ kms that day. Real nice ride, especially the reflections.

Breaking News!!! from the frontlines

The air was calm with no one in view. Weird voices were heard in the distance, a foreign dialect. He slowly moved his head above to widen his range of sight and then he ducked. Heart beats accelerated; it was now or never!

Heart pounding. Unknown waters. Outlines of objects. Deja vu. Spirit of adventure. Moving ahead. Conquering territory. Inch by inch. Conquering fears. One by one. The boy on his very first reconnaissance mission. A whiff of the Winds of Change and the wild duel that lurked in his mind. He looked up to where eagles dare. Stripped to bare necessities. Nothing to bare.

The choice was his and his alone. So he slowly and cautiously moved above the first obstacle. Fear again. Unknown thoughts. Unknown sights. He stopped for a moment to breathe in the ambience and regain his composure. Paper Monsters, all of them. Inertia finally took charge. He moved again and climbed to the top and slowly looked over the edge. Panting prose. Vast canyon. Razor's edge. Overwhelming triumph. And finally the war cry," Goo. Goo. Boo. Ech. Oiee. Goo. Goo. Gee Gee Geeeeeeeee. Eeeeeee. Boooo."

Flight of the phoenix. Dare to try. Nothing to lose. Maybe I'll fly. "Whiiieeeeeeeeeeeee". PLOP!!!!!!

War cry again!!! And this time till the fat lady sang.

Credits: (in order of appearance)
Cliff jumper ------- My little 5 month old nephew
Fat Lady who Sang -------------- Fat Lady who can sing.

Prequel:
I was told that I had a sling when I was below 1 year cause of some similar exploits.

Sequel:
Conversations with 'The Godfather'.

Burning Bridges

There is a thin line between arson and a friendly fire starter, between burning bridges and setting them on fire; and the difference is crucial. One destroys, the other builds; but the line is often blurred.

The First Mile

Click the picture to enlarge

It was just a random pic from the 2005 bangalore half marathon, sometime during May. It was my first attempt at a half marathon. The picture appeared in 'India Today Simply Bangalore April 2007 Edition'.

my body looks all contorted and stuff... and I look like I'm huffing and puffing.... it was just 1.5 kms from the start.... :-)

And so I began to wonder about the possible reasons that could have put me in that state:
1) ran too fast initially cause the crowd was moving too fast. And so I got syked, got touchy and decided to keep up with everyone else or atleast with the front runners and then realised I couldn't.
2) ate too many bananas/jam sandwitches before the start of the run :-)
3) was listening to a song with a fast tempo. My brain converted the tune into beats of 8 and subconsciously I tried to maintain that tempo.
4) saw a beautiful girl running ahead and was trying desperately to keep up.
etc etc

pick one or add a new one :-)

Madness, Fireflies and Chocolate mint liqueur

The fireflies festival this year was from 14th april 6PM to 15th april 6AM….

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fireflies_Festival_of_Sacred_Music

the wikipedia link contains the list of performers for this year… the Jazz guy you see out there is the one who operated on Dhruv’s knee…. i.e. Dr Chandy…. They had have some sufi, qawali, jazz, gypsy and Hindustani classical stuff….

I have been religiously going for it over the past two years…. The first year we had pillows … the second year we took mattresses…. My accounts of previous years are below….

2005: Madness, Fireflies and Chocolate Mint Liqueur
2006: Madness, Fireflies and Chocolate Mint Liqueur

2007: Madness, Fireflies and Chocolate Mint Liqueur

I was considered as a veteran and was consulted about the route, the timings, the directions, the cushioning mechanisms (for which I gave details examples :-) ), the type of music, the food, the ambience and blah blah blah....

Lakshmi, Srujana, Vinod, Simmi and Sunny joined Dhruv and myself. Relevant things were picked along the way and a matress and cushions were shoved into the car. As we arrived near the place I pointed out to the right; the deviation we had to take from the main road. Oh and with so much certainty!!! "Thats the turn. See I remembered it. It may be dark but I somehow remember the turn", I boasted, being the veteran that I was.

Oops!!!! wrong turn!!!!

So we retraced our path and went ahead on the main road and then found the right 'right' turn :-) So now we needed some manuveuring amongst those intersecting roads. "Turn there!!!!", I said again with so much certainty; trying to regain my post as navigator.

Oops!!!! wrong turn!!!!

Lost is translation yet again..... Sigh!!!!!

Lucha de Gigantes - Amores Perros

Got this from a movie called 'Amores Perros' that I had seen sometime back. I heard the song in Spanish lyrics and liked the tune, while I read the subtitles. And then it turned out that I liked the lyrics of the song too :-) The song is in Spanish and I have put down the translated lyrics.you can hear the song out here. The acoustic version is here.

For Luciano, because we are also what we have lost.

A giants' joust turns the air into natural gas
A wild duel warns me
How close I am of going into an outrageous world
I feel my fragility
Some nightmare running away
With a beast after me
Tell me everything's a lie
Just a silly dream and nothing more
I'm afraid of enormity
Where nobody hears my voice
Stop the deception
Don't try to hide
That you've never tripped while moving around
Paper monster
I don't know who I'm up against
Or is there somebody else here?
I believe in the terrible ghosts
Of some strange place
And in my foolishness to make you burst into laughter
In an outrageous world
I feel your fragility
Stop the deception
Don't try to hide
That you've never tripped while moving around
Paper monster
I don't know who I'm up against
Stop the deception
Don't try to hide
That you've never tripped while moving around
Paper monster
I don't know who I'm up against
Or is it that maybe there is somebody else here?
Or is it that maybe there is somebody else here?
Or is it that maybe there is somebody else here?

---- From the movie 'Amores Perros'

Wanted: A Bride

Marriages are made in Heaven, and broken on earth. This is probably my tagline for my perpetual state of bachelorhood. But then again there are many realities. They say wisdom comes with age, but in my case age has just showed up all of a sudden. Not to say that women don't find me attractive. No, no, no, no, no.... and let this be inscribed in the third dimension. As I was reiterating, I have 'dated' all the beautiful women in my neighbourhood, and their neighborhoods for that matter. The only problem is 'Then I wake up'.

Being a computer engineer, aka 'a geek', I have always been preoccupied with the idea of starting something on my own; thinking, copulating the next big thing. Sitting day after day in solitary dimensions, spinning my cocoon, enveloping all. After a string of false starts my finances dwindled to the tune of a discharged amplifier; further affecting my listings on the matrimonial stock exchange. Aha! Maybe thats why I have had no luck with cupid. I had just proved the fixed quantum theory of love. Aha again!!!! I was just this free radical with an unpaired electron. Highly reactive and ever ready to help out with random chemical processes.

Realising that something was missing in my kingdom, I decided to become proactive. And so in the pursuit of the unknown, I started a blog so that women could 'hit' on me. Well I did get a lot of hits but that just got my blog rating up. I then started jogging and at times had 4-5 women running after me. But then I realised that I was pacing random alluring paths, losing sight of the task at hand. I finally decided to consult my more experienced engineering friends. Pierced by the nakedness of my plight, my electrical engineering friend, nicknamed Spark, said that when you get married you discover what real happiness is, but then its too late. Its better to have a mistress. The very thought 'electrified' his senses. My architect friend totally disagreed and said it was better to start a family in order to build a 'strong foundation' for the future. I, on the other hand felt it was better to have both. Then either one would think I'm with the other and that would give me more time to spend doing my own thing. My friends then suggested that I try out the trial and error method. you know, if you find that you'll are not compatible, divorce her. The thought of having more than one wife was ok, but more than one mother-in-law. NO WAY!

The next evening I graced the wedding of my neighbour; for the free food and some rampant ogling. Then it happened; in between ecstasy and dessert, my wandering pupils were stunned to discover how old the bride was. At first I thought 'Love is blind', 'Age is no bar' or 'Maybe cause he is an archeologist'. But later when I learn't that she was the heiress to a large fortune, everything became clear. I met my wise neighbour after a couple of months and requested him to shower me with words of wisdom to which he first thought for an hour. Finally breaking his meditative silence he looked at me and uttered, "Marriage is a mistake we all make." He then thought for another hour and said, "For me marriage is a means to more important ends, it is not an end in itself". So with those words of wisdom and thoughts of marriage as a means to more important ends I put an ad in the paper which read,

Wanted a Bride,
For a Computer Engineer, 27.
Girl must be rich and beautiful.
Those interested can also contact me at my website www.wantedabride.com

The next few weeks were quite hectic. As I browsed through the many letters I had received I came across one which was quite appealing. It was from a girl named Monica who worked as an intern in the Rashtrapati Bhavan. The letter said that she had excellent oral communication skills, was a cigar smoker and her favourite movie was 'Kill Bill'. After trying to find patterns out of randomness I decided otherwise. By now I had received over a hundred letters including those from the opposite gender.

Finally I struck gold and I mean King Solomon's gold. We were to meet at her mansion which was situated in the most luxurious part of the city. On the fateful day I went to her house completely suited and booted; my decision already enjoying its intercourse with grandeur. At first her mother came to welcome me and I said, "So where is the bride", to which she replied, "I'm the bride". Looking at her imperfect figure and looks I thought to myself, falling in love in not about finding the perfect person, its about learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. But that is falling in love; love is whats left when all the falling in love part inevitably withers away. I was in search of the perfect woman but then again I was willing to make a few exceptions. Though she was the perfect picture of imperfection at least she had a perfect bank balance; something that would complement, if not uplift my resources.

After flashing my credentials, a date was set and I finally tied the knot. Tight! I then took my wife to her new home. Seeing my humble dwellings she looked at me with a puzzled look on her face. Trying to retain my composure I told her about the financial mess I was in and how I would soon be starting my private enterprise with our (her) money.

Knowing that I had just pulled off the scam of the century I began dreaming of my bright future. she then looked at me with a smile on her face and said, "You know, that house where you met me wasn't mine. I was just a maid servant working there".

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Disclaimer:
Thats something I wrote a long time back, in the past present continuous; during my early engineering days when I was part of the magazine committee. Since we were not getting articles I was forced to write one :-)
However the article goes back even further to my elocution competitive days in school. The article was written by a person named Prof Zade which we found in the newspapers. I then modified the words and content to fit the 5 minute limit we had. I have mentioned about that competition out here.
However in engineering I did not remember the words and the content but just the outline of the ending and so I sat down and added flesh to the skeleton using quotes/jokes that I remembered from the reader's digest. I changed the article yet again before putting up this post.

Who Moved my Phone

I have moved to our new office building and am already feeling nostalgia wistfully take form outta unknown unassuming crevices. I miss the quaint house we called an office [sigh…. sobbing sound effects out here].

Being in my element, it suddenly hit me that amidst the cube farm and the prairie hopping I wasn't receiving a mobile signal at the place I had parked my derriere. Then it hit me again, what if you desperately need to get in touch with me and your life depends on it, or you are craving to talk to me [sigh…. sobbing sound effects out here again], or you want to just get some work done through me being the nice guy that I am, or want to hire some manpower to beat up someone, or want to invite me out for a treat/trek/play/musical concert/movie/free lunch… ooohhh free lunch... nooooo I can't miss that.

So after a bit of playing detective I was apprised about the places in office where I can get a mobile signal. We do get signals close to the window but the voice breaks cause of multipath effects. You also get good signals near the flat screen in the cafeteria. Then someone told me that we get good signal reception in the loo. Invariably when you enter the loo the phone rings cause the person who was trying and trying and trying to get intouch with you finally gets through. Err so basically I take a seat out there and talk to glory and discuss about that free lunch??? And if you do hear some unusual background noise then please don't ask me,"What was that!" [flush sound effect out here].

Fixing Broken Flowers

I've played the messenger boy before and I must say its a nice warm fuzzy feeling, just to be there; in the moment, as it unfolds :-) I have carried messages when mobiles didn't exist, have packed and parceled a house made of ice cream sticks and have roamed the streets of bengaluru in the rain, searching for 12 red roses.

A friend, Goli, decided to start this thing where he would sing songs on ppl b'days and bake them a cake and stuff... would charge them something but wanted to do it just for kicks.. so he got a GIG sometime back... not sure what else to call it :-) anyways he invited some fellow blogger friends to provide moral support in his endeavour.. so four of us jobless ppl went to this particular place ... a café type place on 100 feet road in Indranagar.. this girl's sister was giving her a surprise for her b'day... Goli knew the girl through some common friends and the common friends knew about his b'day singing plans... so we went there and sang and made merry... Goli played the guitar and there were two girls (blogging friends) with us who sing decently... he also baked a cake and stuff and we improvised with the cake decorations... I had a lot of second, third and fourth thoughts before going but it turned out to be a really nice experience... :-) it was fun... like being one of those ppl who deliver flowers just to see the expression on the receiver's face... :-)

Will We Ever Rise

Excerpts from "The Fall", a novel by ALBERT CAMUS, Nobel Prize Winner

"THE FALL"

"In a certain way I am sticking to my subject with all that about friends and connections. You see, I've heard of a man whose friend had been imprisoned and who slept on the floor of his room every night in order not to enjoy a comfort of which his friend had been deprived. Who, cher monsieur, will sleep on the floor for us? Whether I am capable of it myself? Look, I'd like to be and I shall be. Yes, we shall all be capable of it one day, and that will be salvation. But it's not easy, for friendship is absent-minded or at least unavailing. It is incapable of achieving what it wants. Maybe, after all, it doesn't want it enough? Maybe we don't love life enough? Have you noticed that death alone awakens our feelings? How we love the friends who have just left us? How we admire those of our teachers who have ceased to speak, their mouths filled with earth! Then the expression of admiration springs forth naturally, that admiration they were perhaps expecting from us all their lives. But do you know why we are always more just and more generous toward the dead? The reason is simple. With them there is no obligation. They leave us free and we can take our time, fit the testimonial in between a cocktail party and a nice little mistress, in our spare time, in short. If they forced us to anything, it would be to remembering, and we have a short memory. No, it is the recently dead we love among our friends, the painful dead, our emotion, ourselves after all!" pp 32-33

“The day I was alerted I became lucid; I received all the wounds at the same time and lost my strength all at once. The whole universe then began to laugh at me. That is what no man (except those who are not really alive--in other words, wise men) can endure. Spitefulness is the only possible ostentation. People haste to judge in order not to be judged themselves. What do you expect? The idea that comes most naturally to man, as if from his very nature, is the idea of his innocence.” pp. 80-81

"Some people's problems is to protect themselves from men or at least to come to terms with them." p. 27

"It was not a matter, mind you, of the certainty I had of being more intelligent than everyone else. Besides, such certainty is of no consequence because so many imbeciles share it." p. 29

"Life became less easy for me: when the body is sad the heart languishes. It seemed to me that I was half unlearning what I had never learned and yet knew so well--how to live." pp. 42-43

"You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question." pp. 56-57

“Each of us insists on being innocent at all cost, even if he has to accuse the whole human race and heaven itself.” p. 81

“What we call basic truths are simply the ones we discover after all the others.” p. 84

“One plays at being immortal and after a few weeks one doesn’t even know whether or not one can hang on till the next day.” p. 105

“Yes, one can wage war in this world, ape love, torture one’s fellow man, or merely say evil of one’s neighbor while knitting. But, in certain cases, carrying on, merely continuing, is superhuman.” p. 114

“Sometimes it is easier to see clearly into the liar than into the man that tells the truth.” pp. 119-120

“But when you don’t like your own life, when you know that you must change lives, you don’t have any choice, do you?” p. 144

Children of Men

It was Sunday and I found myself in a grocery store, a short distance from church. As usual, I greeted this man with the warmest of greetings. Like me, he and his two young kids follow the Sunday ritual; church then the grocery store. I do not have a name to his face but we always exchange a few words and a warm greeting.

Amongst the bustle of people in the store, two young girls entered; the elder being around 6 and the smaller one, around 2 years. As they entered the little one bumped into someone and fell to the ground having lost her balance. People around her looked into each others eyes exchanging glances; searching for signs of claimant to the post of guardian of the young one. But as we were doing so, the elder sister picked the young one up and told her, "It will be ok". The two of them went about their business, as people started to smile and ruffle the little one's top. I asked the elder sister if they were ok and she replied in the affirmative, whimpers still emanating from the little one; the elder sister trying all that she could to cajole her younger sister. And then they left the store.

I then saw a lot of children at this other place; smiles on their faces, dark questions lurking in the twilight; like dormant volcanos on a mid summers dawn, waiting to erupt, waiting to be heard.

While on the road I came across some more little children at the back of a car. So I decided to wave to them and they returned the gesture through beaming faces; the smiles getting bigger with every subsequent gesture.

And then I got to where I was heading ? Well... err not yet.