Sunday, August 20, 2006

Paintball Diary

How did Alistair D'souza (nicknamed Alice), a talented, middle-class Indian geek, end up in the jungle pursued by the CBI, the FBI, the Mossad, the Karnataka Rangers and the dogs of geek town ? Woof! Woof! How did he finish up there shot in the head, lying on the mud behind a barracade, in a remote village just on the outskirts of Bangalore ? Alice's current exploits was very much of a piece with the rest of his career. He lay there for the beliefs to which he had devoted his life, so to put the Paintball Diary in context, it is illuminating to go back to the very beginning to see how he got there. He was born Alistair Remedios Santan D'souza in the city of oranges.... errr... this is gonna take long... besides doesn't the intro seem like a plagiarised version from Che's 'Bolivian diary'. Plagiarist!!!!

Ok... Ok... I lied, but I did it for a reason. You see I'm an undercover war journalist. Errr... undercover from the scraps of metal that sometimes fly past my personal space. It was 9ish on an otherwise promising bloodless morning as we gathered our bearings, and were briefed about our mission by Sreejesh. The war room in the erstwhile Impulsesoft office resonated with words that resembled the likes of courage, strategy, plans, teammates. As our consciences began to take their responsibilities seriously, we arrived at the rendezvous point and began to strap up behind our masks and chest gear, which gave us a sense of false protection. As fear engulfed us we grasped our guns and fired shots in the air to lift our spirits. Each one of us loaded our ammunition which amounted to 20 balls of paint. However when they emanated from the guns they had an accuracy of about 40-50 feet and a projectile path that was way beyond the battleground. I took shots of the brave men in uniform, fear on their faces, trying to move the protective equipment to cover maximum surface area. In the process I managed to catch, on candid camera, one particular soldier in a catch-22 situation :-)

The first mission went without troubles nor glory as we vapourised the enemy before they could reach their bunker with our flag. I shot mercenaries in action, fallen heroes and a few imaginary ones, protected behind the sand sacks that served as barracades. We reloaded as our second mission seemed more out of a scene from a video game, as we disarmed the bomb set by the terrorists to go off in a few minutes. An air of invincibility surrounded us as we decided to take the fight to the adjoining jungle. I then commited a grave mistake of asking the fighters to pose for a few 'City of God' shots, as they pumped bullets into my back at a point blank range of about 2-3 feet. I let out a cry of impunity to spare my life but the scars will remain for longer. Two of us then decided to take a detour across a few streams, trees and moos to attack the enemy from behind. We took them by surprise but realised that our comarades had already been annihilated as we breached the terms of engagement. As I looked through my foggy, moist, poignant eyes I felt the sting of bullets hit me from all sides.

It was the first time that we were on the backfoot but time permitted us to salvage some of our lost pride and dignity. This one is for you, my imaginary hero. I managed to put myself in a compromising but important position as I shot down 3 enemy troops in 3 shots. We then had just two of us in the end with a gap of 30 feet that separated us. I summoned all the ammunition left with me as I shot four bullets in quick succession at a time. Only to see 3-4 similar ones fly past my head, emanating from the barrel of another gun at the other end, waxing its presence, cutting its path through space, my radar detecting them in quick succession, as I tried to find the enemy's position and deliver that one final blow.

Then the unthinkable happened!!! From the side of the battlefield a shot came and hit me straight in the head. I saw stars as the day seemed to be dawning on me. I turned around and looked at my teammate who had just shot me. We had been betrayed by a mole. In those brief moments my life flashed before my eyes and I looked up to the heavens to grant my assassin forgiveness for his exploits, some peace of mind and a conscience that might one day bring him back to the path of righteousness. I had to lead by example in life and in a fake death, as I set out on a journey to look deep within, as a veil of peaceful warmth engulfed me. But as I was looking deep down within myself to forgive him, I realised that I had run out of ammunition. It was now time for some hand to hand combat.... AAAAAAAGGGGRRRRRHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Website: Paintball Arena
Map: Its in the centre of the screen, about 8-10 kms from IIMB on banerghatta road. The road to the left of paintball arena on the map is banerghatta road. Follow the road going upwards on the map to find IIMB.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Shot an Eagle

The day dawned on us, and with it arouse an anticipation that we would have a swinging time. It was to be my first swing at the game of golf. I mean how tough can it be right, you put a ball in front of you and you keep your feet apart and you manoeuvre your tush just the right amount till it finds its place in the scheme of things and then err... you swing... and then ?... ohh... then you see the ball fly like a bird, its maiden voyage through space and time, only to be reminded by gravity of its intended projectile motion and its ephemeral life... so where did it go... where did it go... I excitedly began to scan the area for any fast moving objects, restricting my viewing angle to 60 degrees cause... c'mon you don't expect me to hit the ball off target do you. ok.. ok.. I slyly scanned the full 180 degrees viewing angle but I couldn't find it. Maybe it was such a hard and accurate swing that it flew out of sight. I then consoled myself with the fact that it just had to move on, spread its wings and fly, there was nothing I could do. Everything moves on... sob sob... and so I decided to take another shot. But then I looked down and smiled, "Ohhh... Biiiirdieeee!!!! You came baack!!!". Hmmm... BUT as I looked up I decided to share my emotional enthusiasm with my friends with the translated look of wisdom, 'Yeah yeah... Just practising my swing'.

In some subsequent swings the ball did manage to go far beyond the 200 mark, the first bounce way ahead of the 150 mark. So are we entering the era of the bird. I mean I can take on Tiger Woods any time... at err coding :~) "Go on. Be an eagle."

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Jung Typology Test

Jung, pronounced as hyuung - not much stress on the g is a world known psychologist Dr. Carl Jung. This test shows your four major traits. You can take the test here.

My type is ENFJ
Strength of the preferences %

here is what the docs say... I mean how bad can it be right :-)
ENFJ type description by D.Keirsey
ENFJ type description by J. Butt
The Pygmalion Project: The Teacher

Let me know if you think the docs are quacks.... or what you would point out as my traits... like they didn't say anything about my weirdness level :-)

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Jumbled Names

In each question, we've re-arranged the letters of an actress, actor or director, and three movies that the person starred in or directed. How many can you name?

1. Actress: - Movies:
CORN MAIZE AD - "Very Bad Things" “Vanilla Sky" "Any Given Sunday”

2. Actor:
PAIN COLA - "Serpico" "Donnie Brasco" "Dog Day Afternoon"

3. Director:
DRAW HONOR - "Ransom" "Parenthood" "Grand Theft Auto"

4. Actress:
WORD BOGGLE IHOP - “Sister Act" "The Player" "Made in America"

5. Actor:
TAVERN ITEMS - "Bowfinger" "Mixed Nuts" "Grand Canyon"

6. Director:
MAMA IRIS - "Spider-Man" "A Simple Plan" "The Evil Dead"

7. Actress:
GERMANY - "Restoration" "City of Angels" "Promised Land"

8. Actor:
CLONED HEAD - "Ocean's Eleven" "The Family Man" "Mission to Mars"

9. Director:
DIRTY CLOSET - "Black Rain" "Gladiator" "Blade Runner"

10. Actor:
BONG SMILE - “Bird on a Wire" "Forever Young" "Lethal Weapon"

11. Director:
MORAL RADISH - “Analyze This" "Club Paradise" "Groundhog Day"

12. Actress:
AUTUMN HARM - "The Avengers" "Maddog and Glory" “Sweet and Lowdown"

Answers Below:

1) Cameron Diaz 2) Al Pacino 3) Ron Howard 4) Whoopi Goldberg 5) Steve Martin 6) Sam Raimi 7) Meg Ryan 8) Don Cheadle 9) Ridley Scott 10) Mel Gibson 11) Harold Ramis 12) Uma Thurman

Bruce Lee in India

All words should end with Lee

a) A Festival loved by Bruce Lee eg: Holee

1. What is Bruce Lee’s favourite vegetable ? --------------

2. What is Bruce Lee’s favourite breakfast ? ---------------

3. What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch ? ---------------

4. What does Bruce Lee call his sister-in-law ? ---------------

5. What is Bruce Lee’s other favourite festival ? ----------------

6. Who is Bruce Lee’s favourite Actress ? -----------------

7. Which is Bruce Lee’s favourite Music ? -----------------

8. What is Bruce Lee’s most interesting job ? ----------------

9. Which is Bruce Lee’s favourite hill station -----------------

10.How did Bruce Lee die ? with a ------------------

11.What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over ? -----

12.This message was originally sent from UAE by a ----------------

Answers Below

Answers- 1) Mulee 2) Idlee 3) Thalee 4) Salee 5) Diwalee 6) Sonalee 7) Quwalee 8) Coolee 9) Manalee 10) Golee 11)Khalee (empty) or Thalee (claps) 12) Malyalee

How Sweet are You ?


This is the English translation of some Indian Sweets. Name the sweets.

1) Juicy Balls eg: Ras Gulla

2) Mr. Block

3) Shiny Shiny

4) Famous Gardens & Neighbouring State

5) Cashew Diamonds

6) Icy

7) Plumpy

8) Stomachy

9) Gold Strips

10) Juicy & Creamy

11) Tree Come

12) Message

13) Majestic Feast

14) Art & Yam

15) Sugary Mercury

16) Milky Latex

17) Rose Berry

18) Smelly

19) Go round & round &stop

20) Heart Outside

Answers Below


1) Ras Gulla. 2) Shrikhand. 3) Chum Chum. 4) Mysore Pak. 5) Kaju Katli. 6) Barfi. 7) Boondi Ladoo. 8) Peta. 9) Son Papdi. 10) Ras Malai. 11) Peda. 12) Sandesh. 13) Raj Bhog. 14) Kala Kand. 15) Shakar Para. 16) Rabri. 17) Gulab Jamun. 18) Basundi. 19) Jalebi. 20) Dil Bhar.

Mind your language

Match the following.

ENGLISH .................................................. JAPANESE

Eg: That’s not right.................................. Sum Ting Wong

1.) Are you harbouring a fugitive?......... a.) Lei Ying Lo

2.) Stupid Man ......................................... b.) Ai Bang Mai Ni

3.) Small Horse ........................................ c.) Chin Tu Fat

4.) Did you go to the beach ? ................. d.) Yu Stin Ki Pu

5.) I bumped into a coffee table ............ e.) Wa Shing Ka

6.) I think you need a face lift ............... f.) Dum Gai

7.) Its very dark in here ........................ g.) No Pah King

8.) I thought you were on a diet .......... h.) Wai Yu Kum Nao ?

9.) This is a tow away zone ................... i.) Wai Yu Mun Ching ?

10.) Our meeting is scheduled for next week .... j.) Hu Yu Hai Ding

11.) Staying out of sight ........................ k.) Wao So Dim

12.) He’s cleaning his automobile ........ l.) Tai Ni Po Ni

13.) Your body odour is offensive ....... m.) Wai Yu So Tan