Sunday, May 27, 2007

Howto curb the Middle Finger version 2 dot Oh my gawd

Slang has it that the middle finger is shown to people to express contempt for by or as by the obscene gesture of pointing the middle finger upward while folding the other fingers against the palm.

Ever thought of ways to restrain people from flashing their middle finger.

Version 1 dot Oh no it won't work.
Wish that they were born with six fingers instead of five and then they wouldn't have a middle finger. Naah that won't work in most cases.

Version 2 dot Oh my gawd (will work on men only)
1) Catch unsuspecting man in the mall. He may be moving around with some other girls who are
busy shopping cause a sale is on.

2) Ask him, "Could I show you something". To which he would reply out of courtesy, "Err ok", Courtesy and just to kill time.

3) Take his hand and ask him his name and then tell him, "Can I call you Alice". To which he starts to try and calculate the probability of that happening. He is pretty much amused and says, "Sure".

4) Say, "So Alice have you noticed how rough the top of the finger tips are. I can make it smooth". He is still trying to calculate the probability of some unknown person calling him Alice and doesn't know what he says yes to.

5) Remove some tools and brush his middle finger and then put some liquid on it and then wipe it. All the while keep him distracted with questions about how many sisters he has and if he has a girlfriend to which he tries to give a diplomatic worldly accepted answer, "Errrrrrr hmmmm".

6) Finally ask him how it looks to which he replies, "Its shining. Could you take off the liquid and get it back to its original look. I can actually see my reflection in it".

7) To which you reply, "Err well it will be smooth and shiny for a couple of days". To which he replies in horror, "Oh my gawd".

8) He is too ashamed to show anyone his middle finger.

9) Somehow the girls who he was with see it and go 'Oh my Gawd" and laugh and wonder what he did. Which makes him keep the middle finger under wraps and not flash it to anyone.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Crocodile Dundee

And on the 18th day of the fifth month, when the sun was at its highest point in the sky, the creature reappeared. Previous sightings were reported but the People refused to believe. "Nay", they said, and the People rejoiced. But on the tenth second, of the eleventh minute, of the twelth hour of that faithful day a voice was heard, "Oh soooo sweet", and the silence was broken. The door was swung open, 'swoosh', and through it emerged two ladies as they thought to themsleves, 'Blessed arth those who saweth and still didn't believeth cause otherwise they might have skwished it'. And the People rejoiced.

Then a 'fat boy slim' who had just travelled 'far far away' to an unknown land crossed their path. He sensed that something was not right (studies have shown that hindsight is more accurate). He had just attended nature's call when he heard another call, "Are you afraid of lizards ?". The reverberations of that question spread far and wide and touched the very bearings of his soul. Should he say YES or should he tell them the truth; but the truth was something which he had not thought of till this moment. And so he giveth himself the benefit of the doubth and exerted no resistance as the words were formed from carefully uttered syllables. "Nope", he speaketh as he wondered, 'Which God fearing man would tell a girl that he is afraid of reptiles". And the People rejoiced.

"Cometh with us then oh fearless one. You have to catcheth a lizard". Oops! For that one second time stoppeth as he sensed that something was wrong (studies have shown that foresight is more valuable). To prepare himself for the task at hand he thought of previous encounters. Like when he brought down a bat with a badminton racket and a fast moving ceiling fan to confuse its radar. And the time earlier in the day when he shot (with a camera) a snake in the desert. And then there was also the time he stood faceth to faceth with a lion; but that was in a zoo and so he shrugged off that thought. And the People rejoiced.

"Oh its a baby", and he was handed a piece of folded paper. 'Thats a baby', he wondered as he wondered even more, 'Holy cow. How big does it grow'. But then he realised where he was; in a ladies toilet! He had seeneth a movie in which a lizard was flushed down the bottomless pit and it became a big crocodile cause of toxic waste. He flushed down that thought as the big little one wriggled from one spot to the next, inches away from his hand. He had also always wondered if a ladies toilet was kept cleaner but he shrugged off that thought as he began to admire the beauty of nature. This lizard was nice and colorful, not like the grey dull ones back home, though it was similar in size. They stood there mesmerised as the azure stars floated across the yellowish sunlite raindrops that cavorted their way to the moist earth that sprung up green flaura. And the People rejoiced.

He realised that the tool to transport the big little one was inappropriate as it was unwilling to accept a free ride from strangers. 'Its mama thought it well. This won't worketh', he thought, as he summoned his senses to come upeth with a planeth. By Jupiter! plan plan not planeth, it started to get confusing!!!! The result of which was a container to cover the reptile and the unfolded paper to slide under it and cover the opening. He was commended for his quick analytical skills as he carried that entity to the outside world to fit it back into the huge jigsaw puzzle; stars to stars, raindrops to raindrops, sunshine to sunshine, earth to earth, flaura to flaura. And the People rejoiced.

And the news spread far and wide and people began to appear from the East and from the West and from the Land of plenty (the cafeteria). His praises were sung which made this 'fat boy slim' cool for an ephemeral second; inspite of his tight pants and his geeky haircut. Which was indeed a miracle. And the People rejoiced.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Videos of the 2004:Har Ki Dun trek

I found some amateur video clips from way back in 2004, when we had gone trekkig to Har Ki Dun. A writeup of the trek can be found out here. Listen to the audio too.

Children of Osla
The village 'Osla' is situated on the way to Har Ki Dun. I took out some clips of the children out there. Its a nice cosy little village neatly tucked into the mountain sides. I decided to capture all those little kids; the 'Children of Osla'. Majid Majidi style ? Not even close :-)

Cradled Amongst Mountain Peaks
Har Ki Dun is situated at a height of about 11200 feet, picturesquely cradled amongst mountain peaks. We trekked thru rain and snow and sun soaked skies for around 7 days. Trekking in snow is both tiresome and exhilirating. Loved the trek.

Folk Songs from the mountains
Nehra who was a local sang us some folk songs on our trek to Har Ki Dun. One of the songs was about this guy who was in love with this girl from his village and how he broke the news to her...

The Loooooooong Walk
I've patched together clips of us joyfully frolicking along the path to Har Ki Dun.

The Killer Tadpoles at Mystic River
We took a days rest at Camp Mystic River wher we bathed after around 5-6 days. The next morning we went to some natural pools tucke in the mountains.

Blair which project ?
We camped in tents on the way back from Har Ki Dun. This video is taken at night, inside one of the tents.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I always wanted to quit on a monday morning

Its a Monday morning. The Director of Engineering comes up to me. We go back a long way. We've built some pretty good bluetooth consumer products as a team. He is known for his pragmatism and is one of the people who I expect to be brutally honest with me. Glances are exchanged and I see a white envelope in his hand, his fingers follow a rythmic motion as they point to the issue at hand. The expression on his face is hard to decipher, and so is mine. We decide to go to a quiter place to talk. He hands me the envelope and tells me to read the contents before I sign them. I remove the paper from within. "Thats the resignation letter. All you have to do is sign. Take your time." The expression on my face is still hard to decipher and so is his. We talk about life and the livin of it in general. About the options we have and the choices we make. Expressions are decipherable, we smile. I dump the envelope in my bag.

I'm alone. The envelope commands an audience. I remove it from its covering. It lies there naked, open to the elements as the words communicate their intentions. The pen feels heavy as I gulp down nostalgia. Its done.

Ok time to sign the other document. The offer letter from the parent company. Just some paperwork and legal stuff :-) I was wondering if I should sign the resignation letter first or the offer letter. Or sign the resignation letter then relax and be jobless for sometime and then sign the offer letter :-)