Friday, May 18, 2007

Crocodile Dundee

And on the 18th day of the fifth month, when the sun was at its highest point in the sky, the creature reappeared. Previous sightings were reported but the People refused to believe. "Nay", they said, and the People rejoiced. But on the tenth second, of the eleventh minute, of the twelth hour of that faithful day a voice was heard, "Oh soooo sweet", and the silence was broken. The door was swung open, 'swoosh', and through it emerged two ladies as they thought to themsleves, 'Blessed arth those who saweth and still didn't believeth cause otherwise they might have skwished it'. And the People rejoiced.

Then a 'fat boy slim' who had just travelled 'far far away' to an unknown land crossed their path. He sensed that something was not right (studies have shown that hindsight is more accurate). He had just attended nature's call when he heard another call, "Are you afraid of lizards ?". The reverberations of that question spread far and wide and touched the very bearings of his soul. Should he say YES or should he tell them the truth; but the truth was something which he had not thought of till this moment. And so he giveth himself the benefit of the doubth and exerted no resistance as the words were formed from carefully uttered syllables. "Nope", he speaketh as he wondered, 'Which God fearing man would tell a girl that he is afraid of reptiles". And the People rejoiced.

"Cometh with us then oh fearless one. You have to catcheth a lizard". Oops! For that one second time stoppeth as he sensed that something was wrong (studies have shown that foresight is more valuable). To prepare himself for the task at hand he thought of previous encounters. Like when he brought down a bat with a badminton racket and a fast moving ceiling fan to confuse its radar. And the time earlier in the day when he shot (with a camera) a snake in the desert. And then there was also the time he stood faceth to faceth with a lion; but that was in a zoo and so he shrugged off that thought. And the People rejoiced.

"Oh its a baby", and he was handed a piece of folded paper. 'Thats a baby', he wondered as he wondered even more, 'Holy cow. How big does it grow'. But then he realised where he was; in a ladies toilet! He had seeneth a movie in which a lizard was flushed down the bottomless pit and it became a big crocodile cause of toxic waste. He flushed down that thought as the big little one wriggled from one spot to the next, inches away from his hand. He had also always wondered if a ladies toilet was kept cleaner but he shrugged off that thought as he began to admire the beauty of nature. This lizard was nice and colorful, not like the grey dull ones back home, though it was similar in size. They stood there mesmerised as the azure stars floated across the yellowish sunlite raindrops that cavorted their way to the moist earth that sprung up green flaura. And the People rejoiced.

He realised that the tool to transport the big little one was inappropriate as it was unwilling to accept a free ride from strangers. 'Its mama thought it well. This won't worketh', he thought, as he summoned his senses to come upeth with a planeth. By Jupiter! plan plan not planeth, it started to get confusing!!!! The result of which was a container to cover the reptile and the unfolded paper to slide under it and cover the opening. He was commended for his quick analytical skills as he carried that entity to the outside world to fit it back into the huge jigsaw puzzle; stars to stars, raindrops to raindrops, sunshine to sunshine, earth to earth, flaura to flaura. And the People rejoiced.

And the news spread far and wide and people began to appear from the East and from the West and from the Land of plenty (the cafeteria). His praises were sung which made this 'fat boy slim' cool for an ephemeral second; inspite of his tight pants and his geeky haircut. Which was indeed a miracle. And the People rejoiced.


jarziom said...

An awkward moment, when I was summoned forth to appraise more outpouring from a maverik blogster. With a throbbing heart i followed the link, hoping against hope, that the post would indeed live up to standards established earlier, and be indeed worthy of a perusal. With glib satisfaction I partaked of the adventure of the modern day 'crocodile dundee' nd the episode of a reptile in ladies bathroom.
With satisfaction I can say.. hear ye all.. I have not been deceived. My faith in maveriks withstands the test of time. My time not been wasted.. I indeed have been suitably rewarded with pleasure, by the wit and the allegory of this awesome tale... and the people rejoiced!

Reema Banerjee said...

hehehehehehe...u told me abt this. this is a much better version!

Param said...

AMEN! ... and the people rejoiced...

Alistair D'souza said...

yes yes... and the people rejoiced!!!

nice to see those comments soaked in smileys and those smiles on your faces which I can't see but can imagine :-)