Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Sexy Legs

A long long time ago, in a bathroom far far away.

I locked myself and decided that there was no turning back from this point. In my mind I was scared, I was terrified!!! I thought I would never do such a thing. "Me... never!!! ". The guilt was building up, the public humiliation that it would bring me if it got out into the open. It was an act so enduring, so tedious, so concentrated in all senses that anyone who did not know my intentions would have thought...

"Aaagghh!!". I was shaving my legs. Well I was preparing to participate in the college body-building competition. I had participated in 3rd year and had won the competition. That one was a cakewalk. The guy who had won the previous year saw me and decided to drop out. So now I was in final year and I just had to win again. This time though there was some tough competition from the ranks. I began heavy weight training about 2 months before D-day. I had made note of the competition and noted down their weak points. I came to the conclusion that I could have a shot at the title if I worked on their weaknesses, their legs. My gym trainer put me on a rigorous regime to curtail my tummy and add mass to my thighs. I didn't need to work too much on my upper body, I just concentrated on my legs. After a lot of deliberating, I had decided that I had to remove the excess hair on my legs to make the muscles more prominent. It could give me the edge I needed. It was a decision I had repeatedly vetoed and unanimously supported in my mind.

Talking about removing excess hair, I would always tease my sister about her eyebrow fine tuning. I used to call it 'mowing the lawn', a magic act, where nature would be challenged by the unique illusion of caterpillars being metamorphised into centipedes. I would regularly find time and reason to torment her about the uselessness of waxing or whatever she did. And at the end of it she would become red... literally!!! So as you must have guessed I was trying hard to hide my recent exploits from my sister. I was sitting quietly, trying to have a conversation with the idiot-box. Finally she passed by without looking at me. There was an air of irony and laughter in her voice as she said without looking me straight in the eye, "Sexy legs". After that brutal stab she laughed and walked away. I took consolation in the fact that I had managed to retain my title.

But my mother decided that I had not yet attained public humiliation for my acts. So she told me that we should capture the sexy legs and the hands and head that go with it, on camera. I was more than willing and went to get changed into my bodybuilding apparel. I asked her where I should pose. "In the garden", she said. "What!! our neighbors might see and what about the view from the road." After quite a bit of pleading she refused to budge. So I told her to stand in position with her finger on the camera button. I surveyed the surroundings and in about 3.142 seconds, I ran into position, posed, smiled, saw something which resembled a flash and then ran back in. After that I decided to give up professional body-building and I hung up my razor.


Etchen said...

Ahahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh! I can only imagine what that scene looked like! Hey, at least you weren't shaving your chest and arms as well...or were you? Hmmmm... ;-)

Alistair D'souza said...

ahem... you see competition was tough and I left no stone unturned... ahem... I even oiled my body for d-day... the gym guy even showed me how to pose and stuff :-)

err.. could you repeat the question please :-)

Eliza said...


Etchen said...

Ahahaha! Alistair, you crack me up!

emanish said...

What happened to the photo ?
I have also heard stories, that the photo fell in wrong hands (females friends of yours) and they were all seen wanderign around your garden with dreamy eyes ?

Alistair D'souza said...

I still have the photo :-)
I'll show you the scanned version but will make sure it doesn't get into your hands :-)

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