Obsession

My little world, I wrap myself in
Day in and day out, obsessing
If only this and if only that I say
Inner silence I shatter
'I me and myself' so my days pass
Relativity I forget
Till I hear of another being and his struggle
I stop dead ashamed
I wonder who what and why
My obsession masking what is true
I tend to forget how precious life is
How utterly delicate and taken for granted
I feel worse than I did before
For the thankfulness lasts but a second
Such is the irony of obsession
With oneself and ones own little world
How many more beings would it take
For the seconds to extend to forever
But I end this moment with hope
That we are given time to change
To realize and learn and be thankful
To let go, give in and take the journey

-- Margaret Desouza

Love

To those who know it, it's our greatest need
To those who have seen it, it's our greatest wonder
To those who have lost it, it's our greatest hurt
To those who have experienced it, it defines our humanness

Yet, We who have known it and recognized it as our greatest need,
still find it so difficult to share with another…
We who have seen it and stood in awe in its presence,
still chose to run away from it…
We who have lost it and been hurt greatly by its loss,
still risk losing it all over again…
& We who have experienced it, and through it our humanness,
still chose to deny it…

And yet, it still continues to conquer us, humble us, and teach us
About ourselves and our world…
About whats important and what matters…
& About why we exist…

-- Margaret Desouza

The Pacemaker

I always thought that I was strong
as strong as any one could be
I have always had my walls all around
my fortress or so I believed!
I have hidden there
and fooled myself into thinking that I was safe
Untill the walls came crumbling down…
and I lay there exposed and afraid

I struggled to build my walls up again,
hoping and longing for familiarity
I wanted to lose myself in sweet oblivion
within the fortress that had now abandoned me
Day in and day out I would lie awake
wondering when the nightmare would end
The time had come though, I finally realized,
that life would never be the same again

My life's journey feels like it began that fateful day
when realization hit home
That the innocence and carefree days of childhood and youth
were only a trial run
That the actual race has now begun…
and we each will have to brave the storm
Alone, we will have to run…
and will be often be faced with self doubt

With these somber thoughts I start my journey
and already feel like I am running behind
I look around and seem to be the last one there…
with the rest of the pack way ahead
I wonder if I will ever catch up…
if there is any point to all this pain
And for a moment, just for a moment,
I allow myself to slow down and be afraid

Its at that particular moment that I understood
why I felt the way I did
It was because I always saw myself
having to run alone in that race of life
But in that instance of surrender, I lost myself
and for the first time in a long time- felt safe again.

My journey has just begun and I still do not know
where the road will lead
But I do know the one who knows the way
and pray for the one who will chose to run alongside me
We were not built to run alone, to build our walls and be safe…
we were built to last…
Created to run together… With someone leading the way

-- Margaret Desouza

Willingly Willed

Free-will, they say, is precious
From past mistakes, I tend oft to disagree
And yet, failure is what builds character they say
Why then are we today, still frustratingly so un-free

We don't know what's to come tomorrow
And we rarely understand & reflect on our past
Hence we oft choose, foolishly, looking at the flitting present
And with these decisions then, on us the die is cast

How then, does one choose wisely in the 'now'
Does one rely on the foolish heart or the ignorant mind
Perhaps, its only belief and faith then, that do feature
In this, life's test of time

We were created to believe in someone greater
Look inside you, and your quiet wise soul will concur
Yet we choose to blissfully ignore its precious wisdom
For flitting present gains, our belief and faith are made to blur

We are not who we think we are
And it would seem foolish to think we know it all
Lets not, then, paradoxically rely on ourselves to exercise free-will today
But rather, on the one who created all things- big and small

-- Margaret Desouza

A Little Prayer

I said a little prayer today
To our God who loves us all...
I knelt before His alter today
And begged Him to answer my call...

I went to Him since I was lost
In a maze that never seems to end...
His light was what I needed to find
There, at His feet, I needed a friend...

He didn't say a word to me
In His wisdom, He first let me cry...
He didn't say Do this or Do that
In His love, He first just held me tight...

I still don't have my answers
I still can't see the end...
My journey through the maze continues
But this time, I have by my side a friend...

And so my daily bread of comfort
Today I have received...
Tomorrow I will be back at His feet again
And His comfort, again, I will seek...

-- Margaret Desouza

Eyes

The Writer in Me