Monday, April 30, 2007

How Alice Got laid, Got sleepy and Got a haircut.

This article is an attempt towards understanding precipitants of anxiety experienced by a child when he gets a haircut. The danger posed by this experience is compared to a surgical procedure and seen as unique because unlike surgery, a haircut is not actually painful. Nonetheless, haircuts can precipitate great anxiety in children. Some sources of the anxiety caused by haircuts across libidinal lines of development are considered, and examples are presented. Ways to help ease the anxiety of this experience are discussed.

ok ok.... the above paragraph was picked verbatim from the third dimension. Public apology and all that :-) The content from here on is mine. First 'The Haircut'. [click on the picture to see the enlarged version]

A brief history of time and my conversations with barbers.

Age 7: The discovery of Hair
Barber: "Kaise ?"
Allaboy: "chota!!! mujhe kangi pasand nahi hai.... bahoot chota.... baal bahoot jaldi bade ho jate hai yaar!!! ek mahine tak cutting nahi karni hai... utna chota karna...", and then I would leave it to him, closing my eyes, relaxing in the chair.

Age 10: The discovery of The Mirror
Barber: "usual? short?"
Allaboy: "Errrr... hmmm."

Age 14: The discovery of Girls
Barber : "usual? short?"
Ali: "Naaaaa.... short from the sides. This much length out here.... like this out here.... blah blah blah blah".

Age 17 : The discovery of Women
Barber: "Aaj kaisa ?"
Alice: "Voh jo movie hai na..... blah blah blah.... parting left side pe hai... "

Age 21: The discovery of Ladies
Barber: "Sirji aap pe ye style accha lagega".
Alice: "Aajkal style kya chal raha hai.... blah blah blah... parting right side pe hai...".

Age 24: The discovery of the receding hairline.
Barber: "Usual ?"
Alice: "Haaji.... yahan se chota... aur uppar se lamba rakhna.... especially ye side walla part.... idar se baal aise aana chahiye.... ye part lamba hi rakhna haan... setting theek se karna... blah blah blah.... middle parting hai ..... "

Current Age: The discovery of global warming and the new effects of gravity.
The barber asked me, "Short?". I groggily mumbled, "Err, hmmmm.... hmmm...", almost ready for a siesta. And well, yeah.... thats about it. He cut my hair. So here are some of the reactions from friends:

The feminine gender
1) AAAgggghhhhhh !!!!!! what happened !!!!!
2) What did you do.... Sheeeeeeeee!!!!!
3) You look like Caesar... hehehehehehehe
4) oh my Gawd !!!!!
5) you look like those little naughty boys.... hehehehehe
5) [Silence. Just stare]
6) [Talking to me with rapid eye movement, checking out the sudden change in geography]

The masculine gender
1) hmmmm so as I was saying blah blah....
2) summer crop. nice....
3) just like your school days. You look the same.
4) you look like Sid in 'Dil Chahta Hai'

My reason: well wanted to see how I looked in a very short crop. Losing weight from the top anyway :-)

Glossary:
Got laid: rested behind on the chair in the saloon
Got sleepy: felt sleepy
Got a haircut: Got a haircut

7 comments:

Goli said...

That was quite funny, I could identify with the part "discovery of girls", I remember sometime around when I was 13-14, I started paying lot of attention to the lenght of hair and spending lot of time in front of mirror... :D

Aditya Kulkarni said...

You discovered hair at the age of 7? Girls at age 14? And women at 17 and 21?

You were late everywhere by 4 years man :-)? Jokes apart, very nice article.

Vaidehi Dongre said...

funny indeed. i am thinking of going britney spears way; bald :) tired of long hair.

Alistair D'souza said...

@ goli
oh yeah... those changes are so drastic :-)

@ addie
yeah I know I move at a diff pace..... hmmmmmmm.... like a tortoise coming out of its shell from time to time :-)

@ vaidehi
i've wanted to go bald too... did it when I was small... wanted to do it many times during my teenage days but never went forward... but there is always time for that...

Anonymous said...

Too good Alie. Keep entertaining :)

-Shyam

PritS said...

DCH...
Changed the way I kept my hair.
From age of 18 till date they have been short. Crops you can call them.

Dont recall anything special from childhood, just that once I was inspired by Ajay Devgan (in diljale n others) and tried to keep my hair long and get them set in his style. I still laugh thinking about it. :)

jarziom said...

:) [big smile on my face] like your style buddy.. will keep coming back for more !