Breaking News!!! One small step for man, one giant leap for some

I have been dilly dallying for a couple of years now.... my mother and sisters have been telling me for a long time, "You know so many girls. What’s wrong, don't you like anyone"... well nothing is wrong I keep assuring them. Then my mother would tell me that she is gonna lookout and then she would pause, and would say, "You can easily do it on your own. Now go out there and get your act together". After a couple of failed pep talks and finally convinced of my abilities she started looking and then I let her in on my intricate thought process (with a by-product of world peace and all that) of how its better for me to search on my own.

However seeing my starting problems some friends have been talking to me about process... "Don't tell a girl you write poetry." But I am who I am I retorted, there is nothing wrong in that. Then his wife pointed out how he told her about his hobby of photography and when she asked him to show her some, he showed her a picture of a monkey and she burst out laughing. We were digressing from the grave issue at hand he reminded all of us, and then he turned on some more lights and started to point out the advantages, "When you get married see how the hair on your head grows." I can't fight gravity I shrugged. "Well gravity or no gravity; before marriage my chest was bare. Now look!!!!!!". After we warned him never to do that again, he calmed down and started giving more ideas.

On another front, this friend who is also currently playing Clint Eastwood in the wild wild west, and with who I am pretty generous with theoritical advice in this regard, told me that he has an aunt (a family friend) in bangalore who will inject me into the mainstream; lead the horse to the water; list my stocks on Dalal Street for crying out loud. Stocks that seem to be fast depreciating in value I am told. The real market value is what I call it. "ok", I said, and called her up. She asked me about what kind of a girl I was looking for and then I think I gave some very vague, unsure, cryptic, undecipherable answer. "Profession ?". "Skin colour ?". "Religion ?". "Looks ?", she tried again. To which I replied in a candid monotonic altruistic rhetoric,"There are a lot of other things to consider". "Well it seems like you should meet me in person and then we can discuss", she said.

That was more than a month back. Finally I managed to synchronize a time with her and decided to meet her at her place this sunday, ‘to discuss’ things. I arrived and she turned out to be this very sweet lady. Then her husband came up to me with a laptop and gave it to me and said, "That’s her picture". Huh I looked up wondering what he was saying. "She lives close by, we can go and meet the family". 'Meet the family!! Now!!', I thought and wondered what I was going to do, and went into hyper mode. And then I gobbled whatever came in my path, my homeland security being recommissioned to different fronts. I never expected to be meeting anyone besides them today. I mean I have never really gone and 'met a family' before so to speak. I have spoken to a few but this was totally out of chronological order, like distinguishable 'chronological epochs' if you know what I mean. Besides I was totally unaware of protocol, if there was any.

"Well lets go", he said. And so I went with them looking at the slippers that partially covered my dirty feet, my shirt dangling out shabbily, my hair all messy and unkempt. So there I was sitting amongst people who I was meeting for the first time in my life. Nobody knew me and I didn't know them. The clock ticked its tocks like clockwork, as I felt a lot of eyes on me. Feeling conscious and wondering where to look, my eyes started to wander. "So talk to her. Ask her what you want". Well frankly speaking I didn't know what to ask, I had never thought about what to ask before. Perspiration forced itself out to have a glimpse of my situation. And then everyone except the girl went to the kitchen. There was a bit of silence but then we spoke a bit. And then everyone came back and trying not to make her conscious I looked elsewhere and noticed she was doing the same :-) "So you want to ask her something more before you decide". 'Decide', those syllables in a state of thought motion were gulped down with air, chronological epochs and a couple of other compounds. On the way out I apprised my friend's aunt of my lengthy process and the phenomenon of the 'click', to which she smiled a comforting smile.

"The journey of a thousand miles, starts with a single step", laughed a confusing Confucius, in all his posthumous realization. After a few years of dilly dallying I officially welcomed myself to the world of pre-marriage processes with all its 'huh' moments.

PS: Please pray for the people that experience my being in all its weirdness. They need it!

--- Author Unknown (in fear of being burnt at the stake).